have i neglected you? or have i been giving you too much attention that you dont deserve? i seem to be waking up for the same reason everyday. things cant no longer be right can they? doubts and assumptions waiting to be clarified. who to give me the attention i need? who to truly appreciate my company? who to truly love the efforts i'm making?

i aint into cheerful, uplifting songs now. i just wanna live in denial. at least, for now thats what i wanna do. till she come along and pick me up, again. you'll never know how deafening silence could be till you are in one. the longing for her to start typing again. the excitement you have when see the MSN window flashing. it all sums up to something doesnt it? the jealousy we both share. doesnt it send some message to you huh? or am i the only one willing to accept them and go thru them thoroughly.

maybe i've been making empty threats so much that they aint working on you no more. you've seen it all. seen me through. you can no longer stand my questioning cos you know you can no longer give the answer that i want to hear. thats why you've been avoiding them, am i not right?

time to give everything some decent ending. its time..

Gonna love you* anyway

Ever since you been gone I been holding us down on my own
You should've known better than to think that I would leave
You should've know better than to doubt me
It don't matter if you're up matter if you're down
Either way I'm gonna be around
You should've known that i would stay by your side
You should've known your girl was gonna ride your tide
And it just don't matter if you're rich or poor out or in doing 5 or 10
You should've known better

*you own a part of me

i'm staring blankly into my computer's screen, not knowing what should i do next. and her words just kept repeating themselves in my head. yeah, she's sorry, for being so close to me. how fucking that hurts.

i know i've done wrong. not once but many times. but i love the way she forgives me, forgives my lil imbecile actions. thats what makes me love her even more. everything about her is just, wow, amazing. i aint lying, thats what she makes me feel.

the way she grinned sheepishly, the way she hopped around like a lil girl. and the many many things she does, completely blows me off my feet. yes, no one can doubt, she's the one i love, all along.

maybe its the communication breakdown, i often get perturbed by her nonchanlance and insensitivity. then i start to get paranoid and stuff. you cant blame me can you? she has already conquered me, yet still not mine to own. tell me how to not guess what's on her complicating mind?

she has got me all crazy, all mad, all looney. lost my sanity together with my rationality and sensibility. i've lost it all.

waking up just to check if she called, constently thinking bout her whereabouts. yet i cldnt bring myself to call her just becos my pride refuses. i fear for the worst each day. the fear of losing her, fear of her being someone elses. it kills me.

i still love the way she makes everything right. i still love the way she holds me in her arms. i still love her, anyway.

*find the truth in my eyes.

And this, for my girl, the one i truly love.

From the day that I saw you
I knew that we would pursue
Cause the chemistry we felt that day
Felt so real, and so true
Looking back on a year we spent together
How it's been, what we went through
Although we've had our little ups and downs
We've still pulled through

Baby girl you're my world my everything
I wanna lace you with diamonds and every ring
Give you everything you dream and fantasize
Cause you can tell me that you love me looking in my eyes
You keep it real with me,
I keep it real with you
You keep on loving me,
I'll keep on loving you
Keep doing what you do,
I feel your whole aura
And I can't wait to hook up
again tomorrow baby - what

Chorus

My love for you will never end
You'll always be a part of me
As long as time keeps on passing by
You'll always be my baby boy.
Everytime I look at you,
I can't believe
I've found a love so true (and)
I took my time to put my trust in you
I must admit it was so hard to do
And every minute that I spend with you
You make me believe I have nothing to loose and
Deep down I always knew that you would be mine

Do you believe in destiny
Because I got a funny feeling this was meant to be
Without you I'd be lost,
I need you next to me
Preferably in the house full of luxuries and little kids
From day one I was sprung,
knew you was gonna be one
Cause my heart spoke for the very first time in a long while
And every time you smile, I can see us walking up the aisle with you
carrying my child C'mon

Chorus

My love for you will never end
You'll always be a part of me
As long as time keeps on passing by
You'll always be my baby boy

If you were to go, I don't know
You're the only one who sweeps me off my feet
Makes my soul go weak
The only one who makes my heart wanna beat and I,
I could never live without you
You know that what I feel has to be true
Cause you're my, my sweet love

Ever since the first time,
that I looked into your eyes
I knew that you were gonna be mine
Feeling you from the inside, when you're not by my side
You're the only girl that's on my mind
I never knew a love like this, a love so strong
A vision so picture perfect it could never be wrong
Along the way, you're gonna see you belong with Jay
I might have to marry you one day baby eh..

For that special someone who loves this song too.

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

i hate the way my plans always get messed up at the very last minute. i cant seem to really plan my day well. things havent been really good for me these few days. and some pple just had to make it worst. i've seen it all, things that i dont like to see, and dont want to see. i dont know how to explain. maybe i do deserve it all after going through so much with you.

i clenched my fist tight and tried to pull myself through. but everything's just too much for me to handle. you no longer have a way with me. the words you say simply cant get thru anymore. maybe it's the end. yeah, time's up for us.

suddenly i miss per. if only she's around for me. to talk to me. to give me advices. hey per, if you're reading this, i miss you and i swear yer the best friend ever. lovee.

*you're gone

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?
Right now I feel invisible to you,
like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?
Why did you turn away?
Here's what I have to say

I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there
Grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Why should I care?
Cause you weren't there
When I was scared
I was so alone
You, You need to listen
I'm starting to trip
I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick
you placed beside you
to take somebody's place?
When you turn around
can you recognize my face?
You used to love me
you used to hug me
but that wasn't the case
everything wasn't okay

Crying out loud
I'm crying out loud
crying out loud
I'm crying out loud

Open your eyes
open up wide

Why should I care?
Cause you weren't there
when I was scared
I was so alone

Why should I care?
If you don't care
then I don't care
we're not going anywhere

Baby i love you and I'll never let you go
But if I have to, girl I think that you should know
All the love we've made will never be erased
And I promise you that you will never be replaced

I love you, yes I do
I'll be with you as long as you want me to
until the end of time

From the day I met you I knew we'd be together
And now I know I wanna be with you forever
I wanna marry you and I wanna have your kids
Thinking can never be compare to the feelings of your kisses
I can say I'm truly happy to this day
You make me think that I could live my life like this everyday
There's never been a doubt in my mind
That I regret ever having you by my side
But if the day comes that I have to let you go
I think there's something I should probably let you know
That everyday that I spend with you
I will miss you cuz I'm happy that I had you at all

Baby i love you and I'll never let you go
But if I have to, boy I think that you should know
All the love we've made will never be erased
And I promise you that you will never be replaced

Just one look girl, to melt me down.
Just one heart here, to save me now.
Your candy kisses are sweet I know,
Hold me tight baby don't let go.

i miss you, but i dont dare to tell you.
wont you come and take this fear away?
dont leave me here alone battling this loneliness.
you know you're all that i ever need.

Tonight its very clear
As we're both lying here
There's so many things I wanna say

I will always love you
I will never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying

I don't want to lose you
I could never make it alone

Cause I am the man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero that your dreamin of
Gonna live forever
knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

You keep me standin tall
You'll help me through it all
I'm always strong when your beside me

I have always needed you
I could never make it alone
1 2 3 4!

Cause I am the man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero that your dreamin of
Gonna live forever
knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

Just like your knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I'll save the day
Take you to my castle far away
Yea!

I am the man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero that your dreaming of
Gonna live forever
Knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love


*your heart knows what is true.

oh okay. so how do i use blogger now? and wtf is blockquote? i mean, if you're going to block the quote, then why quote it in the first place? spare my stupidity or whatever, i just totally catch no ball.

oh wells, liuli's off the UK now. hope she will be better over there. bball trainings' gonna be lonely and boring without her company. worst still, where do i find another slacker to skip trainings with me? argh!

oh yah, and she's mad at me cos i failed to turn up today. she claim that i fly her aeroplane. LOL. thats my silly baby. but i still love her anyway!


[you]
been long since i left a message for you like this. remember how we used to do this? you would leave me as [baobei]. heehee. and remember how we used to talked till the wee hours and still reluctant to hang up. i miss you. i want you to know, no matter how much stress you're under, i'm here to lend my shoulder and listening ear. nothing 's gonna bring us down. not your projects, not my lectures, not anyone. nothing. just nothing will ever stop us now.

*when i feel you in me

yet again, we ended up this pathetic way.
i no longer want to compromise.
i no longer want to be at the receiving end of your indecisiveness and indifference.
i wont deny, you're great, at making me go crazy over your insensitivity.
i've reached my limits.
seems that things arent going to get better afterall.
you said you had no sense of security, then do i have?
i've tried everything that i could.
tried curbing my attitude for you.
but it seems that my sacrifices never mattered more then just replies of "oh"s and "yah"s and "not sure"s.
i'm tired of the nonchalance.
like, asif everything's gonna work out if i try.

the way your lips touches mine. ooh!

eh heh! went down tp to look for my babyyy. =DD and met rosyyyy. LOL. i swear both of them are downright perverts. all that about shitting and getting naked. ahaha. i had hell of a great time with them! teehee. love babyyy to bits.

and this, is for you. yes, YOU. no no no, not her. she spells S-T-A-C-E-Y. =DDDD

When moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves, I let it go
We build our church above this street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin, I'm stained in you
And all I have to do is hold you
There's a racing within my heart
And I am barely touching you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you is
Insatiable

The moonlight plays upon your skin
A kiss that lingers takes me in
I fall asleep inside of you
There are no words
There's only truth
Breathe in, breathe out
There is no sound
We move together up and down
We levitate, our bodies soar
Our feet don't even touch the floor
And nobody knows you like I do
'Cause the world, they don't understand
But I grow stronger in your hands

We never sleep, we're always holdin' hands
Kissin' for hours, talkin', makin' plans
I feel like a better man
Just being in the same room
We never sleep, there's just so much to do
So much to say
Can't close my eyes when I'm with you
Insatiable, the way I'm loving you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you is
Insatiable
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you is
Insatiable

When I look in your eyes
Insatiable
The way I'm Loving you
Oh, what can I do
Insatiable for you


*feel me under your skin, again.

*mumbles. heehee. just had a talk with hunn. =D was great. had been long since we last had a long conversation. anyways, i'm having great plans for this coming friday. hope she wldnt spoil the mood. *chuckles.

i'm kinda sick of sch. but i look forward to seeing her in the canteen. ah hah. just joking. hate the way jasmine makes fun of me and her. tsk. and michelle, ah hah, want to how cute. just looking at her cheers me up. and now my whole clique calls me a radio. maha. "you were everything, everything that i wanted..." *SINGS.

tomorrow tomorrow, i hate you, tomorrow.... *sighs. lectures and tutorials again. if only they have lectures on How bitch and talk and sms and listen to my tutor at the same time. *grins.

ahhh... muscle aches. i think i better sleep soon. else i cant wake up. adieu my love! muahhhs!

*like what she says, everything's paper thin.

just like you will never tell me you miss me. i dont know if you do, but i guess its negligible. i hate the way everything works out. everyone else does. but not us. i grabbed on tightly onto my phone, shocked at every slightest "vibration". but the truth is, you never did replied. i'm tired of everything. i do want to assure you, take away that insecurity, but i cant do this alone. someone tell me what to do. i told you to let me fight it out with her, but look what you replied. if you didnt know, it hurt me one whole lot. i never thought i wld ever hear that from you. i'm all dried out, i dont wanna shed another tear again. seriously, if you do care bout me, the first thing you should do is to remove those pictures away. i know pictures arent anything, but it matters to me. dont just say you love me and you always will. do something, show it to me.

*love is paper thin.

this sexcapade.

yayyy!
i skipped sch today due to acute muscle aches.
=DDD

wanted to make my day meaningful but i ended up staying at home with a aching heart.
quarrelled with mommy again, about me not going school and all. the point is, i just dont understand how am i suppose to study something that i've no interest in for 3years. bahhh.. gimme a break.

this battle, i have no idea how am i suppose to fight on. everytime i see you and her together, it just takes away abit of my confidence. right now, i dont know how much i have left. if only you were here to tell me everything's ok. if only you were here to hold me in your arms again.

Part your lips, and feel mine on yours.

From the day that I saw you
I knew that we would pursue
Cause the chemistry we felt that day
Felt so real, and so true
Looking back on a year we spent together
How it's been, what we went through
Although we've had our little ups and downs
We've still pulled through

Baby girl you're my world,my everything
I wanna lace you with diamonds and everything
Give you everything you dream and fantasize
Cause you can tell me that you love me looking in my eyes
You keep it real with me, I'll keep it real with you
You keep on loving me, I'll keep on loving you
Keep doing what you do,
I feel your whole aura
And I can't wait to hook up again tomorrow baby - what

Chorus

My love for you will never end
You'll always be a part of me
As long as time keeps on passing by
You'll always be my baby boy.

Everytime I look at you,
I can't believe I've found a love so true (and)
I took my time to put my trust in you
I must admit it was so hard to do
And every minute that I spend with you
You make me believe I have nothing to loose and
Deep down I always knew that you would be mine

Do you believe in destiny
Because I got a funny feeling this was meant to be
Without you I'd be lost,
I need you next to me
Preferably in the house full of luxuries and little kids
From day one I was sprung, knew you was gonna be one
Cause my heart spoke for the very first time in a long while
And every time you smile, I can see us walking up the aisle with you carrying my child C'mon

Ever since the first time,
that I looked into your eyes
I knew that you was gonna be mine
Feeling you from the inside,
when you're not by my side
You're the only girl that's on my mind
I never knew a love like this,
a love so strong
A vision so picture perfect it could never be wrong
Along the way,
you're gonna see you belong with Jay
I might have to marry you
one day baby eh..

heh! i got my french name from here.

mine's Francisco Atractivo.
and her's Celestina Esteves.

thought i was going to be at home on a nice day due to some dumb reasons. but she proved me wrong. date was great. didnt have that feeling for a long time. the moment she came, i got my eyes stuck on her. sparks were seen flying all around us. the chemistry was undeniable.

to a special someone, this, is for you.

Will I always be there for you
When you need someone
Will I be that one you need
Will I do all my best to
To protect you
When the tears get near your eyes
Will I be the one that's by your side

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night
Will i keep the rain from fallin down into your life
I promise, I promise
I promise I will

Will I take tender care of you
Take your darkest night
And make it bright for you
Will I be there to make you strong
And to lean on
When this world has turned so cold
Will I be the one that's there to hold

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life
I promise, I promise
I promise, I promise
I promise I will, yeah (Repeat 1)

And I love you more every day
And nothing will take that love away
When you need someone
I'll promise I'll be there for you
There for you

Will I be there when you call me in the middle of the night
Will I keep the rain from falling down into your life
I promise, I promise
I promise I will, yeah

so now its time to get real and get on with life. i dont wanna be reminded of whatever that has happened anymore. i wont deny that i'm selfish. i just want the love, not the pain. whatever pictures that has been published, i wont make any comments on it. you're a free soul now. be happy.

uoyhtiwevolniylpeedllitsmi

maha. i'm so not chek ark. i did this test and i'm so goddamn happy with the results so i decided to put the link here.
heehee! anyway, here's my result.

Your first full name kayson tay
Your personality rates a nine =)
your best quality is you're loyal
your worst quality is you're too sweet
this is because you're true to yourself

erm. i did not fill them in myself? i guess the test just likes me. =D

and i've decided to survive just on fruits for recess from today onwards. my sch buds are with me. =)) and guess what? i smelled caramel wherever i went today. but michelle insists that its vanilla. what a stupid kuku nehneh. i bet she didnt smell caramel before. LOL.

went towning with korkor and sh.
saw lotsa dudes and babes.
maye, LA, esther and etc.
=D

spent $50 on swensens.
bahhh.
must tighten my pocket from now on.

ran round wisma and taka just to find them.
ended up with a painful tummy.
=((

seems that i still cant get used to school life.
i often thought that i can wake up late tmr.
but to my painful realisation,
the alarm always ring at 530.

ahhh..
i'm so tired now.
shall climb into my bed and hugggg my bolster and my yore-ee.

*it's my game now.

looks like this is what it's come to.
i've had enough.
i don't get the hot and cold flashes.
i don't know what's going on.
i guess we'll go our separate ways.

tired of being blamed,
even though i'm trying my best.
tired of being at the recieving end
of everything that doesn't go your way.
i've tried.
i've dropped everything, changed my ways, just to suit you.
but i guess the compromises i make just don't matter to you.
tired of all the lies,
and all the deception.
just plain, old tired.

For hunn.

When you have to look away
when you don't have much to say
that's when i love you
i love you
just that way

to hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
that's when i love you
i love you... endlessly

and when your mad coz you lost a game
forget im waiting in the rain
baby i love you
i love you anyway
coz here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
coz that's when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind

the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter what

so when you turn to hide your eyes
coz the movie made you cry
that's when i love you
i love you a little more each time

and when you can't quite match your clothes
or when you laugh at your own jokes
thats when i love you
i love you more than you know

and when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that u give when u show up late
baby i love you
i love you anyway

coz here's my promise made tonight
you can count on me for life
coz that's when i love you
when nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
that's when i love you
when i love you no matter what

that's when i love you
when nothing baby
nothing you do can change my mind
the more i learn the more i love
the more my heart can't get enough
thats when i love you
when i love you
no matter what

no matter what...

how the picture always send a stab into my heart.
pierce me right thru in the middle,
and slicing me up into pieces.

save me the agony.
if you love me,
you wldnt be doing this.

true that a picture wldnt mean anything.
but you know me.
you know how i wld feel.
you know i wld be jealous.

right or not right,
together or no together,
i still feel the pain.
excrutiating pain.

wondering the presence of love for me in you.

haven't been blogging for a couple of days.
nthg much happened.

i got back some of my results.
F for chem and Olevel pass for physics.

suddenly i'm lost for words.
i'm battling within myself.

everything has been too much.
too much for me to handle.

the world around me has made me into someone that even i myself don't recognize.

i feel weird.
very out of place.

i'm constantly unhappy with the things around me.
especially when they dont turn out the want i want them too.

i understand.
some things just wont be the way you want them to.

i lost the source of strength within me.
and i finally realise that,
actually we are two different persons from two different worlds with two different types of thinking.
and now,
i'm trying really hard to put myself in your shoes,
to feel your world,
to think your thoughts.
are you?

it seems that,
she hasnt really got outta your life yet.
or shud i say,
you havent really got over her.

you wldnt understand how it feels,
to love someone and not get it recipocated.

i'm expecting too much outta you.
i'm a lil moody.
i should shut up before i start assuming again.

but if you're willing to,
you're the only one who has the power to overturn these assumptions.
you hold the key to my world.

*without you here, it will be the reassurance that will keep me going on.