after all we've been thru, I can't believe this is the how you gonna leave things in between us.

so its teachers' day tomorrow and its ACES day for me. ahh, I can't believe it. A seventeen year old doing ACES day. And what does it stand for? All Children Exercise Simultaneously. Oh gosh. I don't even FIT the criteria.

yeah, guess I'm gonna just spend my two days off at home. No dates, no outings, no nuts. blah dah dah, been seeing pak and tre in school lately. Its kinda awkward. Especially after what jasmine has done. ahhs, I just hope tomorrow will be a better day. I still look forward to school thou. I miss tonnes of peeps.

hahas, and pak even asked me to treat her better in the future. Am I that mean? Oh gosh, I think I should be less sarcastic in my words and be more caring towards her. hmm, and michelle seemed to be rather disturbed by JJ's matter. I hope my advises will give her some guidance. Yeps.

*you weren't the girl I used to know.

ahhh, i swear this has to be the best morning i've ever woken up to. what can be better than reading your love's msg first thing in the morning and smile from ear to ear. i mean, for now, nothing can be better. but i wanna wake up beside you as soon as we got the ability to okay? heehee, and not to forgot our OP sandals, our PussyWoman movie date, our wedding rings and us living together in the nicest house with our pretty pretty daughters that look just like her pretty pretty mummy okay? *smiles

oh yes, my folks are planning to move cos my grandpapa wants to move in with us. oh dammit, i've never lived with any of my grands before. and i totally have no idea how am i suppose to get use to it. now i can't walk around in my sb and shorts. i can't change as freely as i can now. ahhhh DAMMIT. *grumbles.

*i miss my pretty girl.

hmm, so I've got back 4 outta 5 of my common test results. It wasn't bad I must say. So far I only failed one. =) I would say its an improvement from my mid year and I'm quite happy bout it. Not satisfied thou, I'm just 1 mark away from A for my Chinese. Sighs, disappointing. Its the first time in 13years of my studying journey that I got a B and a C for my Chinese. Oh wells, life has its ups and downs. Guess this whole chunk is just a down period of my life.

I'm having a hard time trying to balance school work and social life. No way am I going to neglect my dear friends or do I wanna slack too much and put myself into disadvantage. However, sometimes you just need that someone to be there to pull you up and encourage you to go on. I don't know whether izit bad or good, I have that someone there, but... I guess, I just need to put in more effort.

and I must say, Singapore Idol have some really disgusting bad singers inside. I mean, HELLO? GO HOME? yikes. lol. Yah yah, and its chilling time for me. gotta release all the stress inside. ahhhhhh...

*I don't want it anymore

i tried this lil test, and it really works like fuck? see this.

she will be loved is how you see your life, you love stacey and baby boy is how you think about stacey. you like stacey but you cant seem to work things out. dilemma is how you feel about stacey and you care the most for stacey. korkor is the one who knows you best, and shihui is your lucky star. glory of love is your inner thoughts.

try it!

ahhh, finally! the common test is overrr! phewww, to think i even studied. haha, but my chem is like crap? i left 80% of the Section B blank. lol. powderful huh? =) i'm really confident that i'll fail my chem paper, else i would treat y'all to marche? LOL.

went for AVP after Physics SPA with mich, usha and eufe. LOL. its funny pls. anyone considering a movie date should go catch it. i swear its damn worthy of your dollars.

and yes, for this whole week, whole month in fact, i've been really worn out and all. but thanks to this silly darling of mine, she made my life wonderful. no doubt she always had the power to make my day. every single minute spent with her is just mmmm, out of this world kinda thing. yeahh. heehee.

aites, i'm tired. my brains cant think no more. will blog whenever i can. gahhhh.

*we did it all for love

GP paper tomorrow. and with that starts the common test week. i know it aint gonna be easy. i havent even studied. hmm, there's blood donation drive today. i got rejected due to low haemoglobin level. *grins. baby, i knew i promised i aint gonna donate blood. but i thought for a very long time, and i thought, its just blood that i'm donating. thats all they're going to get from me. i aint donating my lungs, liver or kidney right? i'm keeping them for you. just in case, i'm here always here.

i'm really really glad i got to spend yesterday with her. you dont know how she made my day. the hesitations and temptations was burning in me. but thank God we overcame them anyhow. its the first time i'm really happy in the past 3months, only she can make me smile from within.

till now, i still cant forget the silly her "watching" those mating ants and saying that it would rain and it would not. seriously, i dont understand how can anyone not love her, i'm practically head over heels. words simply cant describe the euphoria i have in me when i'm with her. what we shared was earth-shattering.

*and we kissed under the beautiful moonlight..

I love you and I need you
Nelly, I love you, I do,
Need you

No matter what I do....
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you


Uh-uh
I met this chick and she just moved right up the block from me
And she got the hots for me, the finest thing i'd ever seen
But oh, no, no, she got a man and a son doh-oh, but that’s okay
Cuz I wait for my cue and just listen, play my position
Like a shortstop, pick up e'rything mama hittin'
And in no time I better make this with her mine and that's for sure
Cos I-I never been the type to break up a happy home
But uh there's something 'bout baby girl, I just can't leave alone
So tell me, ma, what's it gonna be
She said, "You don't know what you mean to me"

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

Uh-uh-uh-uh
I see a lot in your look and I never say a word
I know how niggas start actin trippin out here about they girl
And there's no way-hey-hey Nelly gon' fight ova no dame as you could see
But I like your steeze, your style, your whole demeanor
The way you come through and holler, and swoop me in his two-seater
Now that's gangsta and I got special ways to thank ya,
don't you forget it
But uh it ain't that easy for you to pack up and leave him
But uh you and dirty got ties for different reasons
I respect that and right before I turned amd leave
She said, "You don’t know what you mean to me" come on

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

Sing it for me, K

I love you and I need you
Nelly, I love you, I do
And it's more than you'll ever know
Boy, it's for sure
You can always count on my love
Forever more, yeah, yeah

East coast, I know you're shakin' right
Down south, I know you're bouncin' right
West coast, I know you're walkin' right
(Cos you don’t know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swingin' right

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

East coast, I know you’re shakin' right
Down south, I know you’re bouncin' right
West coast, I know you’re walkin' right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swingin' right

East coast, you're still shakin' right
Down south, I know you’re bouncin' right
West coast, I know you’re walkin' right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, you're still swingin' right

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
Boy, you know I'm crazy over you

No matter what I do
All I think about is you
Even when I'm with my Boo
You know I'm crazy over you

Yeah, yeah

East coast, I know you're shakin' right
Down south, I know you're bouncin' right
West coast, I know you're walkin' right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, I see you swingin' right

East coast, you're still shakin' right
Down south, I see you’re bouncin' right
West coast, I know you’re walkin' right
(You don't know what you mean to me)
Midwest, you’re still swingin' right.

My condition is deteriorating day by day, yet I simply refuse to consult a doctor. I know my stubbornness ain't gonna bring me anywhere far, but i still wish to respect this attitude of mine, cos it makes me who i am.

I'm down with many doubts and questions, but i no longer bombard her with them. i feel asif i lost my authority, lost my value in her eyes. and you know what? this sucks. i can never be as lost as this. she used to be there whenever i cant find my way. now, she prolly became some other's beacon.

*i'm waiting for a sign from you.

through the wire, through the wall.

Oohhh, been so long since I last blogged huh? Haha. Got many things I wanna update but I cant think of any now. Heh! Had a reallyyyyy busy week, had many projects to rush, many trainings to attend, and many peeps to think about. As for those I always see in school, you know I miss you guys too! =D

oh yes, my darling jasmine. Hah, how she is able to crack me up really major some times. Just check out her bloopers below.

hot fudge = hot fludge
sprain your leg = spring your leg

ok, and that is just like 0.00001% of them? lol PLEASE. And yes, did I mention that silly ass embarrassed me infront of tresa? OMG please. She made me blushed like fuck. *grumbles. Not throw face at all what! LOL.

oh wells, busy is busy lah. But I'll never forget to miss somebody cos she has always been on my mind. Just in case she thought she wasn't. Or maybe she couldn't be bothered at all! *shrugs. Been kinda distant lately. I don't know. Guess she's just moving on. And so am I.

yeappers! Before I end this, here's a few scream-outs to people I badly miss and love.

[harn]
hey dear, if you're reading this, I wanna apologise for my attitude that day. Guess I'm prolly moodswinging and emotions overtook me. Sorry. Anyway, nice picture there with your lei reih. I hope he knows how to cherish you okay? I'm really glad that you found someone. =D and yes, I miss you, love you.

[eesa]
hey dear no.2, lol. Haven't seen you online for like 4252461414 days. Or isit that I didn't notice you? Heh! =x and so sweet of you to tag me. Thanks for brightening my day! Love love!

[huiwen]
ehhhh, I don't know if you read my blog, but anyway, in case you do, please remember not to take things so hard okay? Whether isit her or the NUS fella or whoever, as long as you are happy, I'll be happy for you too. And whenever you need me, please know that i'm just a phone call away. Miss you many many! muahhhs!

[per]
ahaha! I know you don't read my blog lest I tell you that I blog about you right! tsk. Not irritating at all what! Heh! But no doubt you'll always be someone I miss and love loads! psst, I miss those bitching sessions too. Catch up soon okay? And thanks for being there to hear my grumbles and to care for me. You are the best bimboe in history! =D

[you]
just hope you will be happy with your life right now. I guess these days of not calling me is just a part of you moving on. I understand, and I see what you are looking for in life and in relationships right now. Ever since the day I knew you, the joy you brought into my life was tremendous and I want you to know, no one coloured my life like the way you did. I guess I should just be happy for at least we had some happy moments together. Despite the fact that I still wanna spend my life with you, I understand that sometimes things just cant go my way. I've grown up so much since the first "hi" I typed into your window. I ain't going to regret what I've done to us, cos no matter what, this is just me. I've been good, I've been bad. And I wanna thank you for once loving the good me, and once accepting the bad me. For many times I missed you too much and I really wanna msg you and tell you how much it was. But I didn't. I don't know whether isit right or wrong of me to hide my real emotions, but I didn't wanna put both of us in a difficult position. You're still my priority like I've always said. I've kept the neoprints of us in a safe place, somewhere secretive, somewhere others cant find but somewhere where I can remember. And yes, no matter what I go thru during the day, you're the last one I think of before I close my eyes, and the first when I open them. For the very last time, Stacey, I Love You.

*my last

i dont know what to say, guess this is the best way to let you know how i feel inside.


Well I know we just met yesterday
But things feel oh so right
Cause you always know just what to say
And what is on my mind
Well I feel I need a special way
To ask you to be mine
But I dont know when's the perfect day
Or whats the perfect time

Babe you leave me confused
Dont know if I
should let you know or wait it out girl
Wish I knew just what to do
Im so confused

So girl what you wanna see
Wanna see me get down on my knees
Wanna hear me begging baby please
Wanna hear me crying for mercy
Oh girl I wish I knew your world
I think im losing my head over you

Well I know that it maybe too soon
to know just what you'd like
But I wana know what you've been thru,
what you want from life
Its so real the way I feel so true,
its been so hard to find
Wanna now how you feel for me too,
so I can make up my mind

Babe you leave me confused
Dont know if I should let you know or wait it out girl
Wish I knew just what to do
I'm so confused

Well someone once told me that you'd end up lonely
Dont let love ever pass you by
Coz I've seen it happen to people
that mattered to me with my very own eyes
Maybe they were mistaken
And I should be waiting, for you to show me a sign
Or should I just let you know that if I let you go,
Id wonder the rest of my life

To be or not to be, that is the question
I dont know what to do Im in a state of confusion
All I want from you is your love and affection
Is this love real or just an illusion?

its hilarious!
try it

This could be it
I think i'm in love
its love this time
it just seems to fit
I think i'm in love
this love is mine
I can see you with me when i'm older
all my lonely nights are finally over
you took the weight of the world off my shoulders
(oh the world just goes away)

oh when you kiss me
I know you miss me
and when you're with me the world just goes away
the way you hold me
the way you show me that you adore me
oh when you kiss me

you are the one
I think I'm in love
life has begun
I can see the two of us together
I know i'm going to be with you forever
love couldn't be any better
(oh the world just goes away)

oh when you kiss me
I know you miss me
and when you're with me the world just goes away
the way you hold me
the way you show me that you adore me
oh when you kiss me

I can see you with me when I'm older
all my lonely nights are finally over
you took the weight of the world off my shoulders
(oh the world just goes away)

Yeahs. Spent my night at darling's place. She's sucha sweet darling, she rushed down the moment I phoned her. Then I got to meet her mom, dad, bro and maid. Her family scares me, seems that everyone knows she's a crook. And the funniest thing is she introduces me like this.

"hey mom, this's vanessa's and jason's friend, kayson."
"hey dad, this's vanessa's and jason's friend, kayson."
"hey kor, this's vanessa's and jason's friend, kayson."

Maha, darn cute this girl. I love! =D

then we were like watching "prawn" movie in her bro's bedroom? So lol please. We even went to the extend of putting on ear phones in case her family hears it. Maha. So fun. But what spoils everything is that the girls don't even know how to lick properly. Wah lao. Major turn off pleaseeeee.

after that its the heart-to-heart talks we had in bed. We shared same views on certain topics and it really made me feel so much better. And after so long, I finally felt someone else's skin on mine again. Nevertheless, it can never be as good.

I cried the hardest for the first time last night. I'm really glad that she's there to lend me her arms. There to hug me, there to kiss me. I'm sure no one cares about me more then she does.

[[darling
I wanna thank you for everything that you've done for me yesterday. I appreciate your efforts and I love you for them. Thou your consoling skills suck, I still wanna thank you once again for being there. The hugs and kisses helped a lot. No worries ok? I will learn to get on my feet, soon. And yes, you're somebody I will never wanna lose.

*still yours.

so many things to tell you, so little time.

wheeeee! happy national day dudes and dudettes!! ahahas. spent a patriotic day in school! you know, the national anthem always sound especially nice on days like such. and i feeeeeel so proud singing it for the first time since i stepped into the institute.

the performance was basically nice and cool, cept that her class didnt manage to perform cos they reported 10mins late. sighs, there goes my hope! awww, but the good thing is, she actually sat beside me in the hall! ahaha, closest ever please. and my heart went ?#@$?#@?!#$?%&*@%$#?$$? inside my chest. maha! and i swear i felt the blood rushed to my face at 290km/h when she rested her hands on mine. kewl, never had this kinda feel for 43534583482754days already. =D

*you're outta my league

Dope is much more readily available than hope.

ahah, basically, today is just a day of muscle aches and difficulty getting up and down the stairs. I had to like grab on yiling's shoulders to walk. aheh, poor girl, gotta be my clutches the entire day. but I don't think she minds thou. hee! =D

spent two hours in the library trying to get my chinese project done while avoiding the sadako wallpaper on the computer screen next to me. yikes, 100% gross please. urgh, and I didn't know translating english into chinese can be oh-so-tiring. My shoulders are like stuck in the same position for 2hours till it aches like fuck. and the worse thing is, I'm still half way thru my project. *SULKS

then its the crystal growth challenge thingy. Had to stay back in the lab till 7. Hello?? SEVEN! maha. but seeing the crystals form is just sucha shiok-ka-neh-neh feeling. haha! *laughs to self.

and when I was walking outta school with mich, guess who I saw? Yeah! tresa. maha. She was dancing at the basketball court. Most likely preparing for tomorrow's ND celebration. Oh wells, didn't know she can dance so well to patriotic songs! Blehs. cant wait to catch her on stage tomorrow! imma cheeeeeeerrrr for her. wheee!

kinda miss Jill. wonder when's the next time i can chat with her again. her words never fail to brighten up my day. and i guess she's the reason i've been going on irc these days. shhhh, dont say ok? lol.

ahhs, i'm so tired. dont think i'll be staying up late to wait for her call. she may not call after all! *yawns.

//for i've already forgotten the way you taste.

If you see me walking down the street
Staring at the sky
And dragging my two feet
You just pass me by
It still makes me cry
But you can make me whole again

And If you see me with another girl
I'm Laughin and I'm jokin'
Tryin to get by
I Won't put you down
Cuz i want you around
You can make me whole again

Time is layin' heavy on my heart
Seems I've got too much of it
Since we've been apart
My friends make me smile
If only for while
You can make me whole again

Lookin' back on when we first met
I can not escape and I can not forget
Baby you're the one you can do no wrong
You can make me whole again

For now I'll have to wait
But baby if you change your mind
Don't be too late
Cause I just can't go on
It's already been too long
But you could make me whole again

People call pain a gift because it's so much fun to give.

Had a talk with Jill yesterday. so glad I got some really helpful advices from her. Saw life in a new aspect and now I'm feeling so much better. I will no longer be disturbed by what I read as they will no longer matter to me. Words have been said, actions have been done. For me or not, I shall leave it to her. *shrugs

I'll be kinda busy these few days. Down with projects and homework. But no motivation for me to complete them. Not even the new pens, ruler, eraser or foolscap. Was having physics lecture today when I overheard this minor conversation between the girl sitting beside me, and one behind me.

girl beside: I'm was so glad when I heard you turned straight, but you went back your lesbian ways.
girl behind: it ant my fault! Its her.

I turned around and I almost puked my guts out. OH MY MAMA, I totally agree with the girl beside. I'll be more than glad if she turns back straight. hah!

oh wells. I meet these two really sweet boys when I was opening the letter box. Despite being on their bikes, they offered to let me walk past. How sweet, its really the lil things that make your day. But its also the lil things that will spoil yours.

I can never remove this habit of mine to notice the slightest things or actions people do. And I can really get disturbed sometimes. If only they will pay more attention yeah? Oh wells. Humans. *shrugs again.

I found my dreams but they found somebody else.

Kayson's Confession.

Recently I've been
Hopelessly reaching
Out for this girl
Who's out of this world
Believe me

She's got a girlfriend
She drives her round the bend
Cos she's 24
She's in the marines
She'd kill me

For so many nights now
I find myself thinking about her now

Cos obviously she's out of my league
But how can I win
She keeps dragging me in
And I know
I never will be good enough for her
No no
I never will be good enough for her

Gotta escape now
Get on a plane now
Yeah
Off to L.A
And that's where I'll stay
For two years

Put her behind me
(put her behind me)
And go to a place where she can't find me

Cos obviously she's out of my league
I'm wasting my time
Cos she'll never be mine
And I know
I never will be good enough for her
No no
I never will be good enough for her

She's out of my hands
And I never know where I stand
Cos I'm not good enough for her
Good enough for her

my brain is like a vacuum cleaner, it sucks when you use it.

I don't know why there this burning urge to read your fridae thou I know there're so many things that I don't wanna see and don't wanna know. I've been hoping to not see the pictures there despite many voices telling me that I would still see them afterall. I went against every instinct, and got hurt again in the end. I wonder, whether this obstinate behavior of mine would bring me anywhere closer to you. I'm stubborn, I'm persistent, I'm determined to get you.

I read and tried comprehending the words in your diary. Thou every single cell in me wished that those were for me, I paused and hesistated. They are too real to be true aren't they? Too sweet to be for me. Too unbelievable to believe. I blinked once, blinked twice, the words stood still infront, staring back at me. Then my heart starts to hurt and ache, followed by difficulty in breathing. Its getting harder and harder to read the next word. I fear, to see the code again, the code that doesn't belong to me.

I struggled within. Who's the one that picked you up? Who's the one who gave you so much hope? Who, tell me who?

Consciously or not, I've decided not to ask you about it. Willingly or not, I've decided not to get jealous. This is love, all love, all my genuine feelings. You gotta feel it.

*she's the one

Leo is in constant competition with Taurus as both demand constant praise and adulation. As a result, Taurus digs in its heels and gets more sullen with each passing day. Taurus needs appreciation and Leo needs worship, but neither will get what it needs from the other. In addition, Leo is extravagant and Taurus parsimonious. There is a basic conflict between Taurus's desire for a well-ordered schedule and Leo's need for a larger-than-life existence. Sexually, these two are well matched, but Leo thinks life is a circus and tries to perform in all three rings at once. Taurus finds that hard to take, or even to watch.

basically, what its trying to say is, me and stacey dont match. haha worship? worship her? she's my goddess. =D

try it.