Notice me, take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me

Everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I make believe that you are here
It's the only way I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly, I fall
Without my wings, I feel so small
I guess I need you, baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you, baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song's my sorry

At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away..

check out what we did on the KFC table!



i see cheese fries! =D




ma pretty big-butt and me! =D

oh shucks, my com is down and i'm now in the library. tonnes of crap. went out with my darlings yesterday. had helluva fun. laughed like there's no tmr. i'm starting to miss them now. i hope the pictures will be ready soon. and yes i love my nana, tzl, tee bird bird and tan ah ma.

these few days are really god darn hectic. had so many files i needa hand in and i'm still short of many tutorials and assignments. gotta go home and finish them by today. hope i dont break down. grrrr.

been msging jacyn for erm 3 mornings? she's sucha darling. and airah too. no, i havent forgot you. just too busy to reply your msgs. will find time to meet you after my promos alright? love you both.

yeah there's so much people i miss oh-so-badly. i miss per AND huiwen. i miss esther. i miss ma harn. i miss nana. i miss tzl. i miss tee bird bird. i miss tan ah ma. i miss ruishan. i miss joanne. i miss eliza. i miss michelle. i miss pak. i miss jang. i miss yuxin. i miss maye. i miss germaine. i miss nique. i miss korkor. i miss shihui. i miss eesa. i miss you!

you held me close and told me you love me.

I'm so sorry guys. There's too many people to leave msges for, and I actually left some out. heehee. I'll make it up to you guys alright?

Pak
Hie sugar sourrie! heh, its apparent that you care a lot bout my condition, and I really appreciate it. I know I should keep a positive mind bout the situation, but sometimes its really tough. But no matter what, I'll be here for you for as long as I live k? Love you.

Michelle
Eh ai ren! hee, I can sense your concern and worry over the phone. =) But don't worry, I think I'll be okay lah. No biggie. Die even better, can skip promos. hah! Anyway, school tmr, I cant wait to see you guys again. I mean, you and Pak and Tresa. LOL. =P

Eesa
Hey dear, I miss you so much. But I don't think I have time to meet you for the last time before the operation. I bet you must be so worried right! hah, don't alright? But in case anything bad happens, just remember Kayson will always love you. =)

Jason
Hey pal, didnt have the chance to tell you that you are actually the most loyal friend I ever knew. I feel asif I owe you so much. Don't know if I have the chance to repay you, I will if I could. But in case I dont have the chance to, please know that I cherish you alot as a friend. You should know lah. hee!

Alicia
Hey girl. Thanks for being there when I was trying so fucking hard to get over her. Now I finally see through her real colours. Don't worry, its over and I know very well. Eh eh anyway, you're a great girl and I believe you can find someone more worthy of you. Take care when I'm no longer around alright? Love.

Jacyn
Hey silly girl, not sure if you'll read this. But just in case you do, I want you to know that you always have been someone special to me (yes I know I use this phrase many times liao). heh! Thanks for the wonderful memories and the gifts while we were together. They are truly precious, and I'll take them with me wherever I go. Take good care of yourself alright? Don't over-work. Love you always.

esty
Yes, I don't get the hot and cold flashes, neither do I get the stubbornness from you. Sometimes I really don't understand, but whatever it is, I still wanna thank you for being there, cheering me up, lending me a listening ear, hearing me go on and on bout her. I don't know what do I mean to you, but I want you to know, that you actually mean a lot. I'm starting to miss you. Thou its only 2 days, I really long to hear your soothing voice again. The way you do it to calm my nerves down, the way you coax me. I simply love it, cos it's something she wouldn't do. And if this is what you are waiting to hear from me, I love you. =)

you
I know you know something about me. And I know I feel something special whenever I see you. It's the rush in my blood you create that makes you super attractive. Yes, you have that bossy look and I know not many people like it. But who cares? I like. I can't wait to catch you in school again. =D

All of you guys are part and parcel of my life, and without you, there will not be Sandra, or Kayson standing here. Those who held me up, and those who brought me down, thanks. You made me learn, easy or hard, I still wanna thank you all. Thanks for contributing to my happiness, joy, smiles, misery or tears. I know deep within my heart, who truly cares and who don't.

Yeah, I guess that's about it. If I accidentally miss you out, please tag me and remind me alright? My memory is detiorating lah. Haha. And I wanna say again, I LOVE YOU GUYS LAH. =DDDDD

I don't wanna go into details, the problem I'm facing right now. Its too much for me to handle. But for people who care for me out there, I'm saying this for you. The operation will most prolly be on next Saturday, after I get my check up on Friday. This is abit too fast but, I don't have a choice do I?

i don't know what are my chances of surviving this ordeal but just in case I die, I don't wanna leave you guys without a word. I'll try to include everyone I can think of, but if I leave you out, don't blame me alright?

huiwen
I tried to tag you but unfortunately I forgot your password. I wanted to call you to tell you my last words but the call didn't get through. I'll just do it here okay? If I really were to go, I want you to know that you've always been a great friend to me. I apologies for the mean comments I made, but at the end of the day, you should know you still mean a lot to me. Words simply cant describe how much I cherish you as a friend, a confidant and a soul mate. I'll bring you along with me in my heart whenever I go. I love you.

per
I'll be calling you later so I'll try to make this short. I don't know what to say, but if given a choice I wouldn't wanna leave just like that. Forgive me. You are the bestest comfort I ever got. You're a gift from God. I love you per.


Esther
though we aren't really that close, but I'm so glad we shared many memories together. Thanks for being there with me through my darkest hours and you are a great friend to me. I'll be blessing you from above alright? Just in case.

maye
you always have been someone so special, so much that I don't know how to tell you. It hurts seeing you giving up on yourself and looking so despondent. I might not be able to be there for you anymore. Please be strong alright? I love you.

puicheng
I haven't forgot you despite the fact that I didn't msg you for a long time already. Just like all my loved ones, you are someone special too. Thanks for the memories you given. ilu.

my Lao tai Po
I've never regretted starting out with you, even when other pple said I snatched you from her. Thanks for all the memories and laughter you given me all this while. Despite what others say about you, it has never alter your image in me. Take care when I can no longer be there to cheer you up okay? You and louie will turn out just fine. ilu.

Cheryl
I think I just said all I could in the tag. I love you many many.

shihui and korkor
eh, don't need me say so much right? You know I love you guys lah. I'm so sorry if I have to leave you guys behind just like that. Thanks for being there giving me support when she left me. kor, 5 years. Its not long but not short either. I don't know what else to say. You guys should know lah okay?

seriously, there's so much pple I wanna leave msges for. ariana, zhenling, peifen, ruishan, suyun, boey, alicia, Claudia, eesa, michelle, jasmine, yiling, jacyn, jang, Jason, Joanne, loraine, moa, mousey, nique, qiaoying, sham, mer, clariance, Vanessa and yuxin. I hope I included everyone eh. Yeah just wanna say, I love you guys. I really do.

you are my deepest regret.

I am believing in the you I once knew.

Went to catch The Cinderella Story with a buncha dearies yesterday. The movie was basically sweet, nice and romantic. Just too good to happen upon me. But I saw it happening upon people around me, that's good enough.

Talked to Joanne, Esty and Per. I was so glad I had you guys around me. Trust me, I could never make it this far without your care and support. And I wouldn't wanna do without you guys. Never.

And just before I end this entry, a few shoutouts to my dearies.

`Per
You've been the best company ever. I knew we would stand by each other even in centuries to come. Thanks for the advises, thanks for the concern. You know I love you too. =)

`Esty
Thou its just been a few days, you've been a great support to me. Thanks for the long talks, and thanks for accompanying me thru my darkest hours. I look forward to spending more time with you k? Love. =)

`Joanne
You know, I never thought my cca captain could say all this things, and feel all this emotions. You've always been a stone in my eyes. But now, after I saw the sentimental side of you, I'm starting to believe in you. You've been a real comfort to me this past few days. And you know, thanks a lot for the advises. I'm much better now. And yes, I love my captain! =)

These memories are special because of *you.

I carefully listed down all the things that we done, all words that we exchanged, all the memories we shared and all the places we went. I went through them thoroughly and I can say I've no regrets.

I have no idea how should I comprehend your actions, but I take it as you are moving on without me. Despite you once said that if I ever look back, you will be standing at where I left you off, I believe you are taking them back.

these memories will be with me for as long as I live and you know it very well. I'm glad that you are moving on with life and I hope you can find what you want in life soon. The answers will come sooner or later. I apologize that I ain't the one for you. I apologize for changing so much. I apologize for getting you in this one-sided affair.

and I just wanna let you know, that if you ever decide to turn around, I'll always be standing at the same spot, the spot where you left us off. I love you.

*And with this last goodbye, I ended our fairytale.

let the rain fall down, wash away my sanity.

It was raining heavily today. Changed into a casual top and berms and went downstairs for a walk. I love walking in rains, cos people wont realize that you're crying. The rain drops fall upon my face, attempting to wake me up. Yes, I was awake for that moment, but I don't think it would last any longer then a few hours.

I walked around the whole estate, enjoyed the rain trickling down my face. I saw people rushing into void decks covering their heads, while others strolling happily with umbrellas as cover. Whereas I, chose to be a part of the nature.

this feeling brought back many happy memories. My memories. The times spent at sentosa. When the rain was heavy, and you offered the towel to me. In the end, we shared it, embracing one another.

I can choose to believe what people said to me about you. The negative stuff. Those who are really blunt hurt me bad, forcing me to accept this cruel fact, that I'm being played by the girl I love so deep. I looked away from the screen and tilted my head back trying to force back the tears. Whatever I'm saying now might not carry any significance to you, it might not even matter. But I'm saying it anyway.

those who love me, I can see. I know you guys care about me. I know you guys want me to wake up. I'm sorry but I'm already trying my best. I wldnt pin any hopes on anything anymore. I'm dead, I'm numbed. But still, y'all deserve the recognition.

`huiwen
I still wanna thank you for the encouragement you gave me. Thanks for being there, that's what made me go on. I'm glad that things are fine now between you and her, no worries, there will be a future for anybody, everybody. Thanks for the love, you know I'll be here when you need me to. Love.

`Esther
you're a great person to bitch with and thanks for the encouragement too. Another person who made me go on with faith and confidence. Thanks for tolerating my crap and whining. Now I know who to go to and who to fall back on. And no worries, I ain't that heavy. =)

`eliza
heehee, thanks for talking to me and sharing those wonderful memories with me once again. I'll keep them close to my heart. And again, you are a lousy ex gf. Ha. Yeah, I'm really surprised with the way you analyzed the problem. Very accurate, too accurate for someone your age. You grew up a lot. heh, and now we can have each other as company everytime we swing okay? We are really same pple in same boat ah! ahaha, but I don't get to see her everyday in sch like you. LUCKY BITCH! lol. And there's so much things to talk about. I shall make another entry for you next time. Love! Black studs rock!

`pak
heh! hie sucker! lol. I'm so glad I added you in msn pls. At least there someone for me to talk to, to bitch to, to whine to. And you are so silly. Don't get so uptight everytime I put that crying smiley okay? =D you are one in a million billion. Cant wait to see you in sch. Love!

*cos I rather be in your arms then in someone else's.

i heard baby boy playing over the radio. i cried. i just miss you. alot. and yes, i love you. give me one more try.

what bout the OP sandals?

what bout the movie date?

what bout daddy buying our daughter many yore-ees?

what bout living together in our house?

what bout you being Mrs Kay?

what bout every single promise we made?

what bout us?

Hmms, going out with friends for dinner later since I've nuts to do at home. I don't wanna slack around playing games. I rather do something fun. =D and I'm suffering from serious muscle aches all over my body. But I know she's gonna do something about it. heehee!

I just went thru this interesting website of transgenders, from a female to a male. Oh gosh. The change is so drastic it scares me. Ahhh.. Right now, I'm happy with what I am. And she wldnt want me to change into that too. I'm sure. Cos she loves me and I know she wldnt bear to let me under go that. Right darling? heehee.

alrights, just a short entry. Gotta change and go out for dinner now. =)) I love y'all and youuuu! muahhhhhhhhs!

*I like the way you moveee.

It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you, but when we're apart, I feel it too. And no matter what I do, I feel the pain with or without you.

I've been seeing lotsa queen nicks in irc, and a few of them have came to talk to me. Its especially sensitive cos its once hers. I no longer use my auth nick. cos since my queen aint there, whats the use of having a king around?

and I think, I'm no longer her king. Its totally okay you know. She wldnt die without me in her life. Sometimes I really think its better for me to let go. I know she wldnt like to be reading this, but I really need somewhere to release all this.

mum is stressing upon me. Kept nagging bout me studies. isit true that if someone didn't see you studying, means you aint at all?

I realized nowadays I like to lock myself up in the room and cry. I'm losing it, totally. I've no one to depend on. My life, my soul, my love, gone. I don't wanna be strong, I don't wanna be anything. Our love has come to an end. The fallen tears, the broken heart, the dilemma, all for you.

*hurt over a million times.

Actually, I've nothing to blog about, but still, heehee. ahhs, the cramps ain't getting any better and its just getting worse day by day. The school hols are coming and yet it doesn't seem like one to me. The hols are filled with make up lectures, extra lessons and trainings that I have to attend. There's a 3 on 3 basketball competition tomorrow. Hope I'll win? lol. No worries, I'll keep you guys updated with the results. =D

hmm, was talking to pak yesterday and my laopo just now. heh! I miss her so much. And I just realize that it's been so long since I last talked to her. I'm so glad that she's been doing well and all. =D oh, and there's this 9days outward bound camp soon. mich, jas, jang, pak, tre and I have decided to go. I'm kinda confident that it would be downright fun. heehee! Cant wait!

*your hand in mine.