did I ever tell you that,
you are friggin amazing and totally fanatababulous.

please stop taking my breath away.
please stop making me fall deeper.

hold me close and call me yours. (((:

It hit everyone but you.

Okay, this is really fcuked up.
I swear I hate chalets )):

Is it wrong to protect myself from you?
I refused to be in contact with anything about you.
I just wanted to be alone and free of pain.

Sometimes your absence hurts,
but sometimes,
that's how I wanted it to be.

Often, I'm lost at expressing myself.
There are things that I wanna say,
but I can't.
Please understand I've my constraints.

I hate the things that I'm doing now.
It pains me.

I'm lost all over again.
Great.
foaeaplwdwoadketjacdfrewpokad

will you?

just realised how much i'm missing you.

I'm surprised by the effects that you still have on me.
I thought I would never feel that way again.
the way you made my heart skip beats,
the way you made another breath hard to breathe.

yeah,
I guess I miss you anyway.
can't deny.

I'm just fine moving on alone.
and I know you would be glad ta hear this.
I'll be strong. =)

and I always will...

yayyers, finally posted out my xmas cards. heehee.
okay okay, its too late i know.
but i'm lazy what!
at least i posted it okay!
eh no, daddy did. =x

chalet's finally coming!
arhs, headache.
so much confirmation to be done.
and yuxin said she'll love me on friday.
SHE'D BETTER DO. :D

arhzies, i miss my trash.
WHERE ARE YOU TRASH?
screw yer lousy comp!
-gnarls

oh yes yes!
i wanna see the first sun rise of 2005!
let's hope you'll be there with me. (((:

anyway,
nice faces uploaded.

why leave me unwritten?

i miss you,
but i can't find a reason.

A total ridicule to the word love.

LALALALALA.

You're my xmas wish this year. =)



Okay now, I think mommy's really sweet. Guess what she got me for xmas? MUSELI BARS :D I bet she did her budget xmas shopping at NTUC cos my sis got hersheys kisses from her. -laughs


Left over of present. Brutal me. =x


That's a clique xmas gift I bought for myself. :D We all got one. Gayness? No, total yayness.


Xmas gift from CDC & CCC. Just in time to loosen my pockets. :D


The haven't-send-out-yet xmas cards. )): Lazy larrr!

I'm counting down the days.

Woosh! I swear the xmas celeb was a total blast! This is going to be the best xmas I ever had so far. :D We had the comfort of M Hotel family room to begin with (and a couple of ear blocks), topped up with a sumptuous dinner at Lau Pa Sat, a wasted trip to WhyNot, ended up at Chocolate Bar, then closed this festive season with a couple of lousy Korean adult movies back at the hotel.

All in all, everything was fantabulous. The hotel room was WOW-ing (4 stars mind you!), I can say we were all happy with everything that was provided. Purrrfect home-of-the-day.

Had dinner late cas Win had to go home first. Prolly that's the reason why I found the food absolutely yummy, ha.

Initially we had the whole upper floor of Chocolate Bar to ourselves, till people started to flood in around 2am. Surprisingly, I saw Joanne! Ha, what coincidence please. I should be glad that she didn't reprimand me for not turning up for trainings. It's the forgiving season anyway! -grins
Oh yes, she had this Cheryl-look-alike friend. My oh my, check out that aura around her please. Saturated with x-factor. Totally my kinda girl. MUAHAHAS. :D

We headed back to the hotel like 4? Cas I couldn't wait to watch porn. HEEHEE. But I was greatly disappointed with what was showed lah. We chose Naked Paradise, SOUNDS GOOD RIGHT! And guess what was it about? We friggin spent 16bucks watching squashed frogs, dead fishes and ghastly naked woman (ass only). WAH SAD.
That show was SO boring that all of us were dozing off. A decision was then made to switch to Untold Scandal. It was about this Korean man, shagging every woman that comes his way. Not much of love scenes. Not that kinda ecstasy we needed yesterday night to perk everyone up. ))): Waste money.

Anyway, Merry Christmas all my darling babies.
Y'all are loved, BY ME BY ME! :D

keep it comin'

I just realized how bad a gf I've been for the past 3 days.
Okay I'm sorry.
I guess I'm just not really ready to share my life with someone else after going thru 8months of singlehood.
I'm not understanding enough.
I play too much games.
Tsk, bad gf.
-reprimands self

I shouldn't be comparing and contrasting anyone with Stacey.
I just hope I can see the beauty in everyone like how I see and adore hers.
Oh bugger.

Oh yes, i miss my assther. :P

Xmas wish ; to see the beauty in You.

my love ; your game

time to make things right.
it's our game now.
grab your controllers and prepare for the ride of your life.

Skies are dark, it's time for rain
Final call, you board the train
Heading for tomorrow

I wave goodbye to yesterdays
Wipe the tears, you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow

How can I be smiling like before
When baby you don't love me anymore

Ten to five, at least we've tried
We're still alive but hope just died
As they closed the door behind you

Whistle blows and tons of steel
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
As I wish I'd never found you

How can I be smiling when you're gone?
Will I be strong enough to carry on?

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
This is not goodbye
This is starting over
Say I'm not wide awake
If you wanna know, I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Miles and miles to go
Before I can say, before I can lay my love for you to sleep
Oh darling oh
I got miles and miles to go
Before anyone will ever hear me laugh again

Mr Tall Guy complained that my font is too small for his big eyes, so I shall blog this entry one font bigger. :D
Xmas will be fruitfully spent. Prolly lunch with clique, dinner with the Emirates + Huiwen + Loraine, followed by stayover in hotel (and looking at "fishes"(service offered by laopo)). Can't really wait. :))

I swear I'm getting fatter. Attended 4 bbqs and there're 2 more to go. -burps-
I feel really bloated now. I need fruits.

Big realization today. Ain't gonna tell you what.
Read a letter kept in my wallet, teared.
Took out our picture, flipped it over, and put it back in. Now I can see you everytime I open my wallet.
I miss you baby, do you know?

I want you back, right here in my arms.

Surprisingly, the primarians gathering was a blast! Initially I didn't think much about it, I was even prepared to give it a miss. Hah, I'm glad that I didn't, cos if I did, I would have stripped myself off from a whole lotta fun. :D

They still look the same anyhow. Nasir, Fyedee, Keng Wee, Sean, Ben, Edwin, Martin, Ong, Sheena, Saw Hoon, Eileen, Au and Neo. Only half of 6A turned up. I wonder where did the rest of the class went. Oh yes, I heard bout Sharon. She used to be my best buddy cum sugarmommy. She brings like 50bucks to school when we only bring 2. She uses barbie wallet when we used those bought from the school bookshop. She's really tall for her age, almost 2 heads above me. But above all, she's really magnanimous, a very nice soul. She got married not long after her O's, and is presently 4months pregnant. SCARY huh? Well, what I heard was she's pregnant after the engagement. Well, it's not THAT bad. Best wishes to her, my friend.

Ahhh, the night was fast and tiring. We played cards, mahjong (same thing =/) and a few dumb games. Take heart attack for example, I whacked Sean's knuckles with my fourth finger. Now its swollen and hurting. =( Ha.
Fyedee introed us the new edition of murderer where instead of blinking, you squeeze hands. Darn funny. Cracked me up like nuts.
Then we played the SAH! Game. So through out the game, we went like, "SAH!" "FAN SAH!" "ZOOM!" "FIN SAH!". HA, hilarious please. Sheena even went like, "ZOOM SAH!" LOL. Well, she was the ultimate loser of SAH! Game, and therefore the rest came up with this reallyyyy absurd forfeit. She was to dip her fingers in the leftover satay sauce, walk up to Mr Neo (pri sch form teacher) and go like, "Urms, uhh, Mr Neo? -squirms- I think, urms, I just shit on my pants. -wipes satay sauce on Neo-"

Ha, that Neo totally didn't fall for it. He just gave THAT face and yelled, "OEIII! NOW I MUST WASH MY ARM!" Hah, preposterous buncha morons. BUT, I like :D

My silly girl's Penang-ing now. Wonder if she's enjoying herself. I hope she won't fall and hit her head kinda thing. Laughs. Can't wait for her ta be back on this sunny island. Till then, I'll be missing her badly.

I believe I've been coping with your leaving pretty well. Not the aforementioned but, you. It's been harder than I thought, and I would never wanna go through this alone ever again. I've been strong, towards either your harsh words or actions. You left me with no choice but to be doing what I'm doing now. Don't misunderstand me, I've no intentions in making you feel any guilt. I don't even think you will read this. But if you do, I just wanna say, I'm sorry.

Cruel to the eye
I see the way she makes you smile
It kills me inside
Watching her hold what's used to be mine

Why did I lie?
What did I walk away to find?

I don't know why
I left the one I was looking to find

I don't dare to dream another dream
Nothing makes sense anymore
You're all that I'm breathing for.

Change the weather, still together when it ends.

This is entry 217th! Wooh, didn't know I blogged this hell lot of entries already. Ha! Anyway, there are 59 KAYs in friendster and I'm 6417 days old whereas Boey Tan is 1730 days older than me. =( Whassup with numbers. I hate math. :P

Loraine Tan haven't got over that fucking incident. She has been on it for two days already. Gosh, and she keeps saying she wants to fuck me. Ha, what a joke. We'll see who fucks who. Mahas.

Two of Charles's relative passed away. I feel so sorry for him. Hang on k Mr Tall Guy, your back will get better. Will see you during x'mas :D and here's a picture of your Nalanji Dreaming.

Yeah, and new photos uploaded. Only 4 but the bestt. Err'body's in. :D

Another day to sing about the magic in you and me.

Time to stop believing whatever I've believed in for this long

Woosh, just came back from Boey's chalet. Ha, what fun it was. I swear this is the first chalet I've been to, not doing anything 'cept eating and enjoying myself. Never knew it feels so good to be a glutton. And it's not just about eating, I should mention that Boey's male friends are really nice and hospitable. What an amiable gathering. :)))

But erms, when it comes to the sharing of beds, I must admit that non of them possess the virtue of sharing. Tsk. I guess they simply enjoy being tunas. Laughs. The night was okay, watched 3 VCDs, dumb ones. Count Dracula 2000, Dumb and Dumberer and Princess Diaries. By 4, we are all bushed and one by one the guys fell asleep. Ahahs, we even had an orchestra at night! Thanks Shah! Padadol was beside me all the while, I THINK she THINKS my arm is a/an antenna+pillow+bolster+toy. Hahas. Company was good, it wasn't that bad sleeping together afterall! :D

You twist to fit the mold that I am in :D

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you'll know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

I stumbled upon your diary.

I didn't mean to read.
but I did anyway.

I forbade any tears to drop.
despite the time,
the degree of emotional distress remains.

The words cant seemed to stop repeating themselves.
she's your pillar of strength
she's the love of your life
What am I?
A friend.

I am to blame.
I erred, blundered, screwed.
I'm the most un-deserving for another chance.

Too late for amendments
I can't find a remedy to this pain
I read with envy,
suffocating.

Forgive my words,
forget me.

with love, Kay

I won't walk out until you know.

A thousand sighs for those once perfect couples who are apart now. Hmmm, it's amazing the way things evolved into as time brushes past our shoulders. I never thought we would turn out this way, and goes the same for others. A friend made this statement, "Love is like ghost, something everyone talks about, but seldom do you see." Makes quite a lot of sense huh? Yes it's hard, but I see it in you and me. Even though you ain't by my side physically, I can feel you inside me, and I'm sure I'm somewhere inside you. :)))

People make mistakes, sometimes very fatal ones. Most of the time, they'll live to regret. Sometimes, they are given that precious chance to make it up. A lesson will be learnt, and the chance won't be given in vain. Do give your loved ones another chance to prove themselves worthy of it.

Acks, I miss LORFAKES, especially that snobbishhairclay. =D

Please turn back, I'll walk with you till the end of our lives.

So what's plan B?

Supposed to visit Nana today, but she won't be at home. So we came up with another idea. Heh! Had a talk with Joanne, she asked me to turn up for training if this cca still do mean something to me. I've long given up my dreams since what mattered most to me left. What are dreams for when she ain't here to share my joy?

Anyway, new faces uploaded. And its the LORFAKES, AGAIN. Laughs. Oh the hols are ending. CALLING ALL LORFAKERS, WHEN'S D NEXT OUTING? :D I needa maintain this diluted coffee tan on me.

Boey's BBQ up next, then pri sch gathering, followed by the ultimate countdown chalet at pasir ris. muahaha. I want you to spend the countdown with me this year, just like how we did last year. I won't make it the same, I'll just make it better. :))

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

give me some time,
to learn how to love you.
i hope i can make it,
before my time is up.

close your eyes,
dont cry on me.
on the eve of world destruction,
please stay under the protection of my arms.

look, the sun dimming,
moon losing its glow.
and all i wanna do is lead you by your finger tips,
round the world for one last time.

darkness closing on us,
be strong for i'll always love you.

Make me your selection.

Mahjong session sucked cos I ended up taking MRT when I'm supposed to cab home. I swear I'll only mahjong with the other half of LORFAKES from now on. -gnarls

I'm done reading the corset diaries. Ahhh, how lucky Tessa is. Its a great book and I'm kinda sad that I finished it. Shall hit d library soon.

Pri sch's gathering is closing in, thou it feels dumb, I'm kinda looking forward to it whereas Nana's worried bout it. Ha, that silly girl. Hope she gets well soon cos another clique outing's coming up. And Na, you still look as pretty as ever. The clique loves you. :D

I'm really worried bout you, and your dad. May God bless him.

So much more inside.

Everywhere I go
Everyone I meet
Every time I try to fall in love
They all want to know why I'm so broken
Why am I so cold
Why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared
What am I afraid of
I don't even know
This story's never had an end
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back
But I know the ending of this story
You're never coming back
Never..never..never..never.....

These words are my own.

Mahjong session with half the LORFAKES later! :D stacey wants me to win with her HEAVENLY TWINS and sdfijesjrajnra skills and bring her shopping. Like, yah SURE. hehs ! I think I'm starting to talk like per, and everybody knows that's a VERY bad thang. Like, TOTALLY. ))):

I can't tell you how much I enjoy what we share now. I'll continue to work towards my goal ; our future. I hope this doesn't scare you away. I won't ask for anything more than what you can give now. I'll still love you, but I'll play my role as a friend. I hope you know that when you are down, I'll be more than glad to cheer you up. And one more thing, please take better care of yourself. I've my limits as a friend, there isn't much I can do despite the fact that I really wanna take good care of you. All along I've always wanted to be the kayson that you ONCE loved, and I realized that it was wrong. I wanna be the kayson that you WILL love in time to come. Have faith, in me.

I love you, friend.