If not for that 30mins of free time between Yiling's CIP meeting at 2.30 and my detention report time at 3.00, I believe I wouldn't have stepped into the library and borrowed myself 2 books. Well, I'm so glad I did cos they have been my only form of entertainment since I'm too sick to be sitting in front of the comp to enjoy any of my silly dumb games. At least now I realize how lethal a combination of headache, muscle ache and flu can be. I confined myself to the bed from 11.00 to 1.00 finishing the last part of my book then I fell asleep till nearly 6.00. and now I'm awake and sniffing, trying to blog 30mins of my day away (maybe I'm gonna take abit longer cos I'm sneezing at every 10 words that I type). I strongly believe that I'm going to start on my second book once I get this entry done and pop a couple of pills down after dinner.


Are you sure that you are this stupid and oblivious to not realize how I'm feeling for you, or are you just too indulge in yourself and can't be bothered about how bothered I am here? What should I do to make you understand, to make you get the picture? Why must things be lay out on the table nicely for you before you can open your eyes and see what's really going on? Must I put things so explicitly before your coconut can receive and process the information? Must I go like, Janice Soh Lihui, I think I'm falling for you, before you can really get what I've been hinting all this while? And none of the species of pigs fly, rubbing your tongue with tissue doesn't make them burn less either. Gosh, you are truly stupid.


And to you, thanks for that enlightening lecture about how fucked up I am and how I'm caught up within my own fucking pathetic nutshell. Thanks for choosing my most vulnerable moment to yell and scream at me. I know I've done you wrong. Somehow or another it is my fault that the passion doesn't burn anymore. It is my fault that after all you have done for me, I'm not reciprocating the way that I should. It is my fault because I should be able to be in control of my own feelings and now I should be held responsible because they have all gone hay-wire. I owe you a thousand sorries, and if by writing them down one by one can making you feel any better, you know I would. But I'm not doing it cos I know whatever that's required to make you smile again isn't within my ability. Or simply because I can't do it.


Okay I took 1hr and 15mins too blog. That's like a (75/30 X 100%) 250% increase from my estimation. Ahhhhh, faster publish before I use more time :D

Quite hurt.
But will be okay soon.


Words are said with a motive,
with an intention to hurt and guilt.


While one is happily putting me on generous guilt trips,
another one is happily toying me like a fool.


thanks huh.

I was asked to sign out early for home today by my tutor, guess he somehow spotted me staggering into class. I should have known better than to run long distances without proper warm-ups. Basically I just staggered everywhere I go or every step that I take, supporting myself with the help of railings. The lost of blood has started to take its toil on me too, I can't seem to stand up or climb up the stairs without feeling ridiculously dizzy or seeing bright spots after that. I hope the iron tablets they gave will do the trick.


I read your blog and it seems that there's a misunderstanding over the issue of me and Janice. I don't know what you read in her profile but the truth is, there's nothing going on between the both of us. I guess apologizing for what has happened will no longer have any effect on you. I just hope things will turn for the better for you and her.


refugee.

Just a lil bit bothered by you.

Somehow, I can't wait to hear you again.

Idiotic message there left behind by my very idiotic fellow human being who claimed to have lost her head back at Mars. The question is, if she is a human, could she have reached Mars? And how did the head detached itself? Man, and she could even blog even after losing her head. That was SO COOL. :D And she even told me not to mention her name. ha.


Anyways, blood donation today was fantabulous. I didn't manage to take any pictures of the process but I got a few taken after that.



nice yellow bandage with smiley faces :D



the wound



close up ((:


Hiyah actually it's nothing much. All thanks to the local anesthesia given (:
And yes, not forgetting my alien friend for being my mental support :D


Wooo yayy, long live red blood cells !

Greetings to you my fellow human being!

I'm proud to announce that I have finally managed to decode your password due to my profound alien intelligence and excellent communication skills. I'm here to say that this is a BLOG INVASION and how I am totally in love with my new hot pink spaceship. Sadly, I left my head in Mars and I have to leave now to get it back before it flys off to the moon.

I mis syo uan dma yth ef o rceb ewit hyo ualw a ys.

Love,

Your hot and sexy alien friend.

Thinking bout the first time I met you,
I saw that mystical aura that surrounds you.
I feel as if I'm attracted to you.

thinking bout the second time I met you,
I realized that I wasn't that happy,
cos I saw the distance that was between you and me.

is this love or is it just your beauty that got me head over heels.
I guess I just want to see you smile.
I'm ready for everything,
I just want to be somewhere around you.

so I just kept everything to myself,
cos your smile is all that I want to see.
I know this is going to be painful and torturing,
but your presence makes it all worth while.
whether is it rain or shine,
no matter where you are.

I know you and your girl are as loving as yall can be,
so I just remained as the backstage crew.
and whenever I see her holding your hand,
all I can do is cry.
I retreated silently.
no questions asked.

Blood donation tomorrow. It's like, FINALLY. I've been waiting for it since the beginning of the year. Yayyy, can't wait to see the tubes get filled up with red water. Haha.

I'm really piled up with work this week. Math, Chem, PI. Dammit, I hate PI )): But still, I needa get it done by this Thursday. Better get my ass to work now.

I miss you, do you feel the same way too?

Went to catch Infection with Janice yesterday evening. That movie is like totally gross. They use blood as thou they are free of charge. Gahh, and I hate those greenish slimey gooey gooey thingo too. And the cinema was so freezing that we had to hold hands to keep ourselves warm. Thou it wasn't of much effect. Hah.

It felt nice to walk on the crowded streets of orchard, amongst the different faces, with someone tugging your sleeve and holding you by your wrist walking around with no agenda or whatsoever but simply fooling around and enjoying each others' company. It has been really, and I mean really long, since I last did that. Totally reminds me of the wonderful times I had with her. Like how she would hold onto my arm when she's on the phone to assure me that I'm not forgotten and how she drags me from place to place just like a lil kid. I had a taste of all of that yesterday night. ((:

CIP was fun too. Or enriching I would say. Went to a home full of old men that would snap any minute. Everyone was so tensed at first, but we managed to blend with them somehow. Maybe some of us are already potential inmates. HAH.

On the right track?

Michelle suddenly asked me a question during break,

"eh do you remember what did you give her on your first date?"

I stoned for a moment then I replied,

"no, I only remember what she gave me when we first met. =("

then I spent the rest of my day thinking about what was my first gift to you.

candles?
mentos?

okay mentos not counted. But I still don't know how can you smell them when I already finished it like 10 mins ago.

Mrs Fields? Butterfly Earrings?
All I know is, it definitely isn't that bottle of M&Ms.

Choco-dipped strawberries? Or that Samsung handphone poster off the back of that taxi?
Well, I really cant remember...

Too much things to remember about you that I've totally forgotten about myself.

Then again, whatever things that you do, my feelings were never taken into consideration. Yes, I did say that I will be here for you, to talk to you, to console you when you are down. But what do you want me to say when all you talk is about pin and how that you are dying without her? What else can I do but keep quiet on my side and try holding my tears back? Yes, I feel like a bloody stupid idiot. Who else will such dumb stuff like me? I swore I've done my best in everything that I could have done for you. If there's anything that I missed out, just tell me, you know I'll go all out just to see you smile. But I cant do it anymore you know stacey, I cant. cos I am no longer the source of your smiles. I can no longer do the things that I used to be able to do. Everything has changed. And you have changed into somebody I totally don't recognize at all. The over consumption of pills, the thoughts about ending your own life, no, that's not my stacey. Where's the stacey that complains about my sloppy dressings? Where's the stacey who loves to mess around with my hair? Where's the stacey who loves to be in my oversized tee and walking around like she is some jaw-dropping super model? Where's the stacey who was always there for me like I was always there for her when things are down? Where's my stacey?

where?

Wanted to blog. But i just realised I've nothing to blog about. -shrugs

been black and white since you left.

How can the Sun ever shine again when it has lost it's source of energy.

Horoscopes, they lie.
They give longing souls false hopes.
Bringing it high, then let go to hear them shatter as they hit the cold, solid ground.
You, are just like horoscopes.

I'M NOT THE MONK.

broken.
i'm torn between loving and being loved.

if following d heart is how things work, then i wldnt be in such a dilemma right now.
or maybe i'm not.
maybe a decision has been made long ago, like 2years.

i wld never wanna tell myself that this decision has been made wrongly,
i wld never wanna tell myself that you are a girl whom my love has been given wrongly to.

no one's right yet no one's wrong.

i can never like another like how i loved you.

Just read this tag from one of my friend's blog. Can't believe that person said what she said. Maybe she wasn't wrong in her own blog afterall. Those masks that people put on, how those fair-weathered friends treated her. But come to think of it, doesn't she just fall right under the same category? I'm really amazed by the act she has put up time and time again while in those oh-we-have-been-friends-for-so-long conversations. And those times she gave her care and concern by saying "are you okay?" and "don't think so much about it". Just thinking about them makes me feel so urgh. And instead of asking people around you to reflect, why not you go join them and ponder upon your own disgusting actions? Stop acting Ms Goody-Two-Shoes for God's sake, cos making me skip lunch is all that you can do.